If the forests had strip clubs...

Image from Headline Shirts

And if there was controversy in the neighborhood...this is what the papers would say:

As part of his effort to keep the forest a family place, Mayor Brownbear announced a plan to clean up the notorious Nutpacking District, a stretch of hollow trees known for its "exotic squirrel" clubs. Under the mayor's proposal, clubs that allow heavy petting would hereby be prohibited from selling birdseed. And all clubs would have to close by the time the owls come out.

"It's outrageous," said club promoter Jimmy Acorn, who owns both The Bushy Tail and Woodchuck's. "The real losers in this are the flying squirrels, who are nocturnal. Now where are they supposed to go to see a little fur?"

But the mayor can count on support from the conservative group Focus on the Forest, which helped pass a previous law defining marriage as between one deer and one doe.

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Enjoy the humor!
J Fox and J Squirrel